


to die and live (and love still) [The Zombie Cyborg Remix]

by Genesister (papirini)



Series: Bangs and Thangs [9]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Complete, Gen, M/M, Nightmares, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 05:12:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19144252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papirini/pseuds/Genesister
Summary: Ever since he returned to his body, it seems all he's become to Keith is just that. After coming back to life, Shiro didn't want to put Keith through that hardship yet again-to be the one who has to fix his problems, to shoulder his mistakes. Yet here Shiro was, waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, because he just wasn't strong enough to handle his own problems-and the consequences they wrought-by himself.Luckily, Krolia's there to set him straight on his priorities.This work isCOMPLETE. Enjoy!





	to die and live (and love still) [The Zombie Cyborg Remix]

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sebayard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebayard/gifts).
  * Inspired by [to love and lose (and love again)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15610911) by [sebayard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebayard/pseuds/sebayard). 



_ It was almost over. _

_ He’d been fighting for what felt like an eternity, but in truth, he knew it had only been for a few moments. All around him, there was fire, and destruction, and death. Far below him, then right in front of him as he leaped from the platform as it faltered, his target was on the ground, breathing heavily. _

_ Good. _

_ He didn’t care that the person who was in front of him was a friend. It didn’t matter anymore, not when he was so close to winning. His arm had changed, and though he hadn’t expected such a thing to happen, now it sung with power and he was glad for it. For the longest time, all he’d wanted was the ability to beat back his enemies. He’d wanted to break them, as he had been broken. _

_ Now, he would finally have his chance. He engaged his sword, electricity trickling through his arm as he bore down on the other. He grit his teeth as he pressed down, harder and harder. _

_ “Shiro…” _

_ His enemy didn’t have a chance to finish. They sagged against his power, his weight, and there was nothing but a sickening noise as the sword, made of pure energy, went through the face. _

_ He didn’t stop there, though. He laughed, his joy unbridled, and even as that ugly sound kept coming from his throat, he proceeded to slash again. And again. And then multiple times after that. _

_ Voltron’s defenders had this annoying tendency to simply not die. But this time, it was different. It was one of their own doing the deed, blowing them up and hacking them apart, and indeed, he kept hacking his target until there was nothing left but a bloodied pulp, howling with joy as he did so. _

_ He’d finally done it. He’d killed Keith. _

Then his eyes opened, wide. His breaths came in shallow and fast, chest heaving up in down with panic.

_ No, no, no, NO- _

A soft, gentle snore interrupts Shiro’s horror, and his head quickly turns to look. Keith is laying next to him, quiet and still, save for the slow breaths coming from his mouth. He is deep in sleep. Although, Shiro realized, it wasn’t from him that the snore came, but the large, bushy pile that snuggled next to Keith which twitched sporadically as it, too, slept.

_ …A dream. _

It didn’t calm Shiro’s heart down in the slightest. He tossed his sleeping bag open, staggering weakly to his feet as he proceeded away from Keith, and the warmth of the dying embers of their campfire. He let the wind jostle his now-fully white hair as he walked over towards a cliff as he let the dream sink into his bones, comparing it to the reality of his situation.

He’d almost killed Keith. He couldn’t even say it was technically not him, because he  _ was _ that clone now. They were one and the same, and that made it worse. Shiro couldn’t tell if this had been his clone regretting what he did, somewhere in the recesses of his mind, or if he simply desired to finish the job. He’d merged with this clone, yes, and they were now one and the same. Yet he could never be sure as he settled into this body, into these thoughts and feelings that were nothing like his-and yet, so inexorably his at the same time.

Before he realized it, he was at the edge of the cliff, and he was sitting down, folding his arms around his folded legs as he pressed his knees against his chin. Beyond, the valley stretched below in dark blue waves beneath the moonlight.

He only somewhat registered that someone was next to him, until she spoke.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Krolia. Shiro’s answer was immediate.

“Yes.”

“A nightmare?”

Shiro swallowed at this. He barely knew her, and she could yet read him like a book.

“…Yes.”

Silence passed between them again, and as it did, he stole a glance over at the Blade. The resemblance between her and Keith was nothing short of uncanny. The face, the hair, the frown as it creased beneath a long nose, the  _ eyes _ . Especially the eyes. He wondered if Keith immediately realized, when he first saw this hardened warrior, that this was the woman who had given birth to him.

And, of course, the marks on her face. Keith now had one that mirrored hers, but  _ that _ one had not been from birth-

“Shiro.”

Shiro blinked.

“Yeah?”

“Go to him.”

He turned to look at the woman more fully, only to see her nod her head towards the camp. He knew exactly what she was telling him to do. Yet he sat there, and rubbed a hand over his face, shaking his head as he did so.

“It’s the third time this week, Krolia.” Then, to the truth of the matter. Maybe it was because Krolia was so like Keith, but there was no dancing around the issue at hand. “I don’t want to burden him. He’s already doing so much.”

Too much, even. Shiro had vowed he would never become something to be pitied, to be helped, just because he wasn’t strong enough to do it. He couldn’t put his problems on Keith yet again, when it was his fault all of this had happened.

“Shiro, that’s impossible.” He didn’t have to look at her to hear the snort in her voice. “He loves you.”

And therein was the crux of the situation. Keith loved Shiro despite Shiro doing so much to him. Love was give and take; it was a balance. Shiro knew this all too well from his time with Adam. Now Keith had to keep giving, because Shiro was doing nothing but taking. It was wrong.

He should be better. Krolia made it sound so easy, but Shiro knew it wasn’t.

“And you?” His breath was shaky, and maybe here he was deflecting so Keith might not have to waste more time on him, but Shiro didn’t care. Krolia was also here at this cliff, not sleeping, for her own reasons, right? “What about you? You’re his mother. He’d be there for you in a heartbeat.”

There was movement, but as Shiro looked, it was simply Krolia hugging herself, as opposed to standing up and marching right over to her son. He could see the pain her eyes as they glistened, as she shuddered. And yet she turned her head back to him and smiled.

“I’ve got this handled. Now go. He’s waiting.”

Shiro rubbed his face, beneath his eyes. It was getting hard to fight; whether it was because he was still just so exhausted from his merging, or just because he hadn’t gotten much sleep that one night, or a combination of both, he could feel his own resistance to Krolia’s argument slipping. And, greedy burden that he was, he did want to go back to Keith.

Still, he tried one last tact.

“Are you su-”

“Yes.” And was immediately shot down. “Go. He wants you to. It’s okay to want him, Shiro. It’s okay.”

Shiro’s throat felt thick as he swallowed, his mouth opening as he stared at Krolia for a moment longer. He did want to. He wanted to so badly. He wanted to have Keith there to comfort him, to chase away the monsters from his dreams. Even if that included him as one of them.

“…Okay.”

His response barely came out as a whisper as he slowly stood up. His knees groaned as he straightened himself, looking over at the camp. There was no movement from either Keith or his wolf; they were still asleep. He took a deep breath to steel himself.

“Shiro?”

“Hm?”

“You love him.”

His head snapped back towards Krolia. His response was automatic, natural, and maybe a little shaky.

“With my whole heart.”

Krolia closed her eyes at this, a peace settling over her smiling expression that made her seem younger and more like Keith than ever.

“Then don’t let him go.”

It took all of his willpower to not just break down crying in front of this woman, who had no doubt gone through things he could never begin to comprehend or pretend to understand. She was the mother of Keith, whom she didn’t meet again until he was a grown man. The man who had helped make that wonderful, perfect person died long after she had left to fight a war she could be killed in at any point.

If there was one thing Shiro hated, it was the pain Keith had gone through when his father died. Krolia would never get to make amends with the man she loved. Shiro, through a fluke of destiny and Haggar’s machinations, had. Perhaps she was right, and he was taking for granted the time he could now spend with Keith.

He could give later, then. He could and would give Keith the universe, and then some.

“Never.”

For now, he would go back to Keith, and let Keith be the one to give. He did, his pace slow and quiet, and as he shook Keith awake, as Keith smiled and let him lean against him beneath the sleeping roll, as Kosmo leaned against them to the point of making everything hot as an oven, Keith whispered to Shiro, cradling him in his arms as tears streamed down and across the scar on the bridge of his nose.

_ I’m here. Don’t be scared. _

It was more than enough for that moment. The nightmares were sure to come again in the future. He would kill Keith again in that clone factory in the light of that blazing star, Shiro was certain of that.  

_ Sleep. _

But it would not be so again that night, and that was all Shiro could ask for.

  
  


 

 

**E N D**


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